


Sight

by anxioussonic



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, M/M, Pre-Series, and we're talking really big anxiety, over all it's about contact lenses, the first chapter is pre-series to be specific, the second chapter is just short and gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-14 13:43:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9184060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anxioussonic/pseuds/anxioussonic
Summary: Yuuri had become accustomed to performing without his glasses. In fact, he hadn't even considered contacts before coming to the United States for college.





	1. Disaster!!! on Ice

**Author's Note:**

> Generally, I know nothing about Instagram, figure skating, or contact lenses.
> 
> I'm just here to explore an hc and project my own anxiety onto Yuuri.
> 
> Helpful reading tip: Yuuri's internal monologue is italicized and in the second person because why not.

Yuuri had become accustomed to performing without his glasses. In fact, he hadn't even considered contacts before coming to the United States for college. An accident resulting in a broken frame had sent him to an optometrist working out of a mall. Said optometrist kept pushing and pushing the idea of contact lenses, especially after learning that Yuuri participates in sports. The anxiety from the social pressure combined with the leftover anxiety of “number 1 or number 2,” left Yuuri unable to say no.

When Yuuri goes back to the rink wearing his new contact lenses, he is immediately greeted by Celestino. 

“Oi Yuuri, where are your glasses?” Celestino asks, voice booming. Yuuri puts his hands up defensively and tries to stutter out a response, but Celestino beats him to it. “Oh, Yuuri, are those contact lenses? They look good.” 

The sound of blades scratching the ice alerts Yuuri to Phichit excitedly gliding over to the edge of the rink. “Yuuri! You got contacts? No way!” Phichit exclaims, beckoning Yuuri over with his hands. He walks over to Phichit, who takes Yuuri’s face in his hands. “This is definitely instagram worthy!”

Yuuri blushes, embarrassed by the attention that his contact lenses are bringing. He hopes it isn't too noticeable considering that Phichit still has hold of his face. “Ah, Phichit, it isn't that big of a deal. We don't need to take photos,” Yuuri says.

“Are you kidding me, Yuuri? Of course we need to take pictures. All of your fans are going to love this!” Phichit says, releasing Yuuri's face. Yuuri rubs his cheeks while Phichit gets off the ice. 

“If it makes you feel any better Yuuri, you might not be the only skater with contacts,” Phichit offers, putting the guards on his skates. “There's a rumor that Christophe Giacometti wears contacts on the ice. You've seen those photos of him in glasses on insta, right?”

“Mhm,” Yuuri confirms automatically, even though he probably hasn't seen the pictures Phichit is talking about. It's easier for him to just pretend to know what Phichit is talking about. _He’ll figure out that you lied to him._

“Yuuri, where should we pose? We could take a selfie or we can give our phones to Celestino for a more dynamic shot. Should we use a filter? Probably not since this is to show off your eyes,” Phichit rambles, not realistically expecting Yuuri to respond to all of it. Yuuri admires how social media savvy his friend is. Phichit is fantastic with photos, hashtags, and interacting with followers. Yuuri is sure that Phichit could get a job in managing social media if he ever wants to; Phichit seems to have a natural talent.

“Let’s not overdo it,” Yuuri suggests quietly. He offers Phichit a small smile and Phichit gives him a grin in return.

“You're right, Yuuri! Something over-the-top would look desperate. This should look casual and effortless. Let the audience hype themselves up!” Phichit says excitedly, adding a spin at the end for dramatic effect.

Phichit walks off towards the locker room, motioning Yuuri to come with him. They sit on the middle bench in the room, close enough to take a selfie. Yuuri gets out his phone and opens the app. Admittedly, Yuuri isn't the best photographer; his hands usually shake too much to get a clear shot. Phichit always tells Yuuri that his photos look tastefully blurry or artsy, which is genuinely nice to hear from someone who knows about Yuuri’s anxiety issues.

Yuuri’s picture doesn't come out too badly. It's in focus and only slightly blurry. Phichit has his signature smile and put up a peace sign. Yuuri’s own smile looks somewhat awkward and forced. He also wasn't entirely sure whose camera he was supposed to look at, so he just looked in between them. 

He types “New contact lenses” into the caption and then opens his emoji keyboard. Yuuri takes his time looking through the various faces and objects, trying to find something accurate. He scrolls over to his frequently used emojis, realizing that it’s easier to choose something that he already knows the meaning of. Eventually, Yuuri picks a happy blushing emoji.

Once his photo has successfully posted, he scrolls through instagram until he finds Phichit’s own post. Phichit's picture has the caption “my boi Yuuri just got contacts!!!!!! #WatchOut” with several hearts and eyes tacked on at the end. Yuuri smiles, liking Phichit’s post.

Phichit leaves the bench and Yuuri takes it as a cue to lace up his own skates.

* * *

Yuuri takes to only wearing his contact lenses at the rink. He’s too self-conscious to wear them to class, preferring to wear his glasses for the sake of blending in. The rink is a safe place for Yuuri where he can work through all of his problems; the contacts just add better depth perception.

After weeks of preparation with his new lenses, today is the beginning of Yuuri’s next competition. Yuuri is sure that Celestino has done his best to prepare him for this. He tries to do deep breathing as he laces up his skates, mentally preparing himself for the pre-competition practice session. 

Once his feet are secure, Yuuri tries to do some simple exercises to get out some of his extra energy. He gives himself a pep-talk while stretching out. _This is only the practice session. You’re going to do fine. You’re okay. You’re prepared for this, Yuuri. You’ll be fine._

Yuuri walks out to the rink, adrenaline rushing despite his attempts. He takes off his guards and gets on the ice, instantly feeling somewhat more comfortable. The ice is familiar and Yuuri takes no time to set off for practice. He feels pretty confident in his step sequence for this short program, but knows he’s been having trouble with the execution of his quads.

He looks up from the ice and immediately considers it the worst mistake of his entire life so far. With his contacts in, Yuuri can clearly see the faces in the crowd. He freezes in place, staring at the full bleachers. Yuuri’s positive affirmations are drowning. _They’re all looking at you. You can watch them as they judge you. They’re probably off put by you staring. Move Yuuri!_ He pushes off awkwardly, not breaking his stare. Because of his unstable start, Yuuri slips and just barely catches himself.

_You haven’t even started practicing yet and you’re already messing up! Maybe you should give up. Yuuri looks up again, another mistake. Now the crowd looks upset. It’s all your fault, Yuuri._

“Are you alright, Katsuki?” some other skater asks, offering his hand. Yuuri doesn’t know his name. He takes the hand and stands up. The skater says something else, but all Yuuri hears is the buzzing in his own head. He nods and the other skater smiles and lets go of Yuuri’s hand before returning. _Good. Nodding was the right response._

Yuuri tries to get into the groove of skating again, this time actively avoiding looking at the crowd. He feels shaky on the ice now, but manages to work with it. Yuuri checks around to make sure he wouldn’t hit anyone before preparing a jump. He over rotates on his salchow, resulting in another fall. 

Yuuri gets up on his own this time, not wanting to bother the other skaters around him. _It’s not like you deserve their help anyway._ Yuuri presses the palms of his hands to his face, trying to will himself to stop making negative comments. The pressure hurts more than usual, reminding Yuuri of the lenses on his eyes. 

_Nice going, Yuuri. You’re going to be one of those ER stories about injuries related to contact lenses._

Yuuri picks up speed, as if he’s trying to outskate his anxiety. He tries another jump, this time rotating well enough, but he messes up the landing. _Yuuri, can’t you do anything right?_

Yuuri stops and falls to his knees, overwhelmed by his emotions. He’s so angry at himself, both over his incompetence and his anxiety. He knows everyone is watching him breakdown in the middle of the practice session. It’s so frustrating. He can feel his tears welling up as he begins to cry. _Oh no. This can’t be happening. You can’t cry in a public place like this._

Yuuri gets up. It’s messy, but he’s up all the same. He skates to the edge of the rink as fast as he can. Celestino is waiting for him, but Yuuri is too ashamed to even meet his eyes. He quickly puts on his guards and walks away before Celestino can start talking. 

Yuuri tries not to be afraid of Celestino, but it’s so difficult. He’s so loud that it sets off Yuuri’s anxiety sometimes. There’s also the fact that Yuuri doesn’t want to disappoint his coach, but usually ends up doing so anyway. 

He walks into a bathroom and takes out his contacts. The case is back in the locker room, so Yuuri just throws them out. He can go back to wearing glasses full time. _It’s probably better that way._ Yuuri puts his hands on the edge of the sink, using it as support while he tries to regulate his breathing. He puts all of his focus into steadying himself. It’s more difficult now; he keeps shuddering in the middle of breaths. 

Yuuri feels his heartbeat in his ears and become hyper aware of his internal organs. _Stop! Stop! Stop!_ He freezes, remembering that if his heart isn't beating that'll kill him. Yuuri tries to count the time between each heartbeat, knowing he's being ruled by an irrational fear. 

He blinks, trying to shake himself from the anxious stupor. Yuuri is lightheaded; he notices that he's been holding his breath. _Breathe! You can't die here in the restroom._

Using his right hand, he wipes his forehead. It's sweaty; he’s overheating. He turns on the tap and splashes water on his face. Yuuri uses his sleeve to dry his face, but the fabric doesn't do a good job. He once again tries to focus just on breathing. 

It doesn’t work and the tears start to fall again. Yuuri retires to a stall, allowing himself somewhere to sit while he tries to calm down. The crying evolves into hiccuping sobs and Yuuri presses his palms into his face again. He wishes he could call his mom. _You would only be waking her up. It’s not worth it anyway._

Yuuri takes some toilet paper to wipe his face. It’s the disgusting scratchy kind that doesn’t absorb anything, but it’s better than letting his face stay like that. He tries to think of what his mom would say to him. 

_You’re not disappointing anyone Yuuri. We’re all so proud of you._

_Vicchan is rooting for you._

_The next time you have a break, come home and I’ll make you katsudon. I’d suggest a party, but I don’t want to overwhelm you. You deserve a celebration because you’ve done so well._

It feels like an exaggeration. Not even his mom would manage to say everything that Yuuri thinks he needs to hear. _You’re so pathetic, Yuuri._

“Yuuri, are you in here?” Phichit’s voice asks. Yuuri hears footsteps on the tile and knows that Phichit isn’t alone. Celestino is probably here too. Yuuri wants to respond and let them know he’s fine, but can’t bring himself to vocalize an answer. He can’t bring himself to lie to them. 

Yuuri opens the stall and walks out. He can’t see his own face in the mirror, but knows it’s red and puffy. “I’m sorry,” he offers weakly, turning towards the vague shapes of his coach and rinkmate. Phichit walks over and hugs him, so does Celestino. 

“I don’t know what got into you, Yuuri,” Celestino says in the softest voice Yuuri has ever heard him use. “But you can count on us. We’re like family, Yuuri.” 

Yuuri’s eyes start watering again, but for a different reason. “Thank you,” Yuuri cries, but it’s muffled by Phichit’s jacket. They seem to understand, Phichit replying with “Anytime Yuuri,” and Celestino with “You’re welcome.” The hug ends and Yuuri is looking at Phichit’s concerned face. Phichit touches Yuuri’s arm lightly. 

“Yuuri, you're up soon. Do you think you can go out on the ice? I would hate to see you forfeit after coming so far, but it is your decision,” Phichit asks, rubbing Yuuri’s arm supportively. 

“I'll do it,” Yuuri manages to say. Phichit grins. If Yuuri’s eyesight is reliable enough, Celestino looks like he's mentally taking notes. For a moment he considers that it's something bad, but Yuuri puts those thoughts out of his head. _You're okay. Phichit and Celestino are family._


	2. Contacts!!! on Ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sun isn’t up yet, but Yuuri and Victor are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place before + during the GPF exhibition
> 
> This chapter is very short.

The sun isn’t up yet, but Yuuri and Victor are. They’re sharing a hotel bed. Victor is running a hand through Yuuri’s hair with a lazy smile on his face. It’s times like this that Yuuri wishes he could have better eyesight. He would love to take this image in perfectly, never letting go of the moment, but genetics had other plans for Yuuri.

He’s still happy, so unbelievably happy, to be here right now. They still have twenty minutes before they have to get up for practice. _Nothing could ruin this perfect moment._

Victor stops running his hand through Yuuri’s hair, instead placing it on Yuuri’s back. “Yuuri, can I ask you a question?”

_Of course. As soon as you mention how nice the morning is, something has to happen._ Yuuri nods, hoping that his nervousness doesn’t show.

“Why don’t you ever wear contact lenses?” Victor asks. Yuuri opens his mouth, prepared to brush off his own feelings, but he stops himself. Victor takes the silence as a sign to speak. “It’s just that whenever you get to the kiss and cry, you always squint really hard. I’m just worried about your eyesight.”

“Oh, um,” Yuuri starts, mentally preparing himself to give a real answer. He’s become a lot more comfortable around Victor, but talking openly about feelings is still difficult. “I tried contacts back when I was training in Detroit. Being able to see the faces in the crowd during the practice session scared me,” Yuuri explains quietly. _Scared isn’t the right word and you know that._ Yuuri frowns, knowing that his inability to properly explain his feelings tends to cause misunderstandings. He can’t just tell Victor what happened that day.

Victor’s hand leaves Yuuri’s back to cup his cheek. “I won’t press the issue, I promise. Thank you for telling me, Yuuri,” Victor says sweetly. A few seconds later his face lights up and Yuuri patiently waits to hear about the great idea that Victor just came up with. “Yuuri, how about I carry your glasses with my coaching bag? That way I can hand you your glasses when you’re done!”

“You don’t have to do that for me, Victor,” Yuuri replies, breaking eye contact. He pities you. Yuuri tries to shove the thought away. He looks down, noticing the golden ring on his finger. Even without the light of the sun, it still seems to shine.

“Yuuri, I want you to be comfortable,” Victor says, shifting in their shared bed. Two hands, Victor’s hands, wrap around Yuuri’s left hand. Yuuri feels guilty for breaking eye contact, so he looks back up. 

It’s still hard to believe that the look on Victor’s face right now is reserved only for him. It’s still hard for him to cope with the distinction between Victor Nikiforov the idol and Victor Nikiforov the fiance. 

The man whom Yuuri had only seen through a screen for so long is a real person. Victor has flaws, quirks, and a real personality. The Victor that Yuuri has come to know is so much better than the idol in the screen.

There are other people in the world who don’t know Victor personally, who don’t know Yuuri either. Meeting Victor has taught Yuuri so much about humanity, specifically life and love. Yuuri knows that Victor feels the same way about meeting him.

“Thank you, Victor,” Yuuri whispers, nuzzling into Victor. Smoothly, Victor drapes one arm around Yuuri while still holding hands with the other. Yuuri feels secure, both physically and emotionally. He smiles into Victor, determined to fight for this connection.

* * *

It’s a surprise. One day when Victor was busy, Yuuri went out and got contact lenses. He plans to wear them at the exhibition. 

The last time Yuuri wore contacts, he couldn’t even get through practice with them on. Yuuri is stronger now. He has become more open about his feelings and has learned better ways to deal with his anxiety. Yuuri has Victor now. It isn’t that he’s dependent on Victor, but Yuuri has grown so much alongside him. Yuuri is also more aware of his strong support system.

Yuuri only has to skate about the first forty seconds before Victor shows up. There are three jumps before he gets to skate with Victor. In these forty seconds, Yuuri has had the choreography down for months. This is the program that lead Victor back to him in the first place. After the first forty seconds, some of the choreography changes, but he’ll have Victor right there with him. Yuuri trusts Victor more than anyone as his skating partner.

Yuuri and Victor kiss each other’s engagement rings before parting as Yuuri heads to the center of the ice. If Victor had noticed a difference in Yuuri’s sight, he hadn’t mentioned anything. He clears his mind.

The music begins and Yuuri starts the program. He wants to glide so that he looks like a part of the music. Yuuri channels his feelings for Victor into every movement of his body, letting him become the choreography. 

Yuuri sees the crowd and hears them cheer after each jump, but the blue lights on him are too bright to make out distinct facial features. He’s thankful for the lights, but believes well enough in himself right now that he might not need them. 

The third jump finishes and Yuuri sees Victor make his way onto the ice, bathed in a pink light. They join together, working as one on the ice. Victor whispers “You never fail to surprise me,” in Yuuri’s ear right before the first lift.

The skating becomes more dynamic and Yuuri has never had so much fun on the ice before. Skating with Victor is magical, even after practicing the routine for so long. Yuuri caresses Victor’s face and gives him a smirk, as if to say “don’t take your eyes off of me.”

The message is received. Yuuri briefly considers how strange it must be that something so intimate is on a stage for everyone to see, but he looks into Victor’s eyes again, and realizes that the audience is privileged to see their love. 

Yuuri might not have won the Grand Prix Final this year, but next year he’ll work even harder. He’ll win gold not only for the wedding, but also as a message to himself. It’s a message of humanity, triumph, coping, life, and love. It’s a message saying that things can get better when you work for them and open yourself up.

**Author's Note:**

> Destroy me:
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/anxioussonic)  
> [Tumblr](http://anxioussonic.tumblr.com/)


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